The Past Few Months...

And why I haven't blogged in a while. In some ways I have so much to say, and in other ways I have nothing to say. The past two and half months have held one of my greatest joys as well as my greatest sorrow. I've contemplated blogging along the way, but oftentimes, I don't feel like I would do well at articulating my feelings. However, for me, this blog is a journal of sorts, of Wade & my adventures, happenings, etc. And this is part of our lives, part of us.

September 19, 2010 - Wade thought I might be pregnant. Decided to take a test. I knew it would be negative. Everytime I think I'm pregnant, it's negative.

It's positive!!! It's faint, but that second line is there!!
Excited, scared, thrilled.
Baby McKenzie is due May 24, 2011.

October 7, 2010 - First prenatal appt.
Everything looks great! Dr. says bloodwork looks great. Ultrasound shows a "fetal pole" but he says that's not uncommon for this early in pregnancy (7weeks, 2 days). Dr, says I can come back in 2 weeks for another US and a chance to see the heartbeat.

October 18, 2010 - Our 2nd Anniversary!
We were able to get away for the week to South Florida, where some friends loaned us their condo on the beach, free of charge. What a blessing! We were able to spend time with some of my closest friend, spend time alone, just the two (three!!) of us, and talked about how much our lives were going to change with Baby's arrival.

October 21, 2010 - Second Appt.
Was so hoping to see my little one's heartbeat, but sadly, my Dr. told me there didn't appear to be one. He wanted bloodwork done to see where my levels were at, and wanted me to see a perinatologist with a better ultrasound machine. He encouraged me not to give up yet, but also told me he did not want to give me false hope.

We were devastated. We spent a week waiting for the appt. with the specialist, although the bloodwork confirmed our worst fears. We would not have a baby. The following Thursday, the specialist did the ultrasound, and showed us that in addition to there being no heartbeat, the baby stopped growing at 6 weeks.

I am one of them, now. One of the women that my heart has always gone out to. One of them that had to say good-bye way too soon. One of them that feels a gaping hole, as if something is missing.

As we've struggled to adjust to the idea that we will not be welcoming our new bundle of joy in May, we rejoice in knowing that God is our strength and our comfort. He has used this experience to bring Wade & I closer to each other, and to bring both us even close to Him. We praise Him still, as He is the same before this happened as He is now. And we still believe all of His promises.